Dr. Vitz contemplates how we use emotional intelligence as a base of knowledge for the work of emotional sobriety.
Emotional Intelligence vs. Emotional Sobriety
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Emotional Intelligence vs. Emotional Sobriety
Season 2/Episode 15
June 4, 2021
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
0:05 Andrea
Hi John, Levelheaded day!
0:06 Jon
Yeah, a Levelheaded Friday.
0:09 Andrea
It is a Levelheaded Friday, what an amazing, amazing week.
0:13 Jon
Yeah, it's been a terrific week. What would you like to have a Levelheaded Talk about this Friday?
0:18 Andrea
Well, there was some talk about emotional intelligence this week that I wanted to talk about. So emotional intelligence is kind of a buzzword right now it's been around a long time now, I mean, a lot of companies have paid big bucks to put emotional intelligence into their spaces, they want their employees to know what emotional intelligence is. They want their CEOs to know what emotional intelligence is, but emotional intelligence is not enough. It is not enough in my opinion, to create peace, levelheadedness and clarity in a human being. It creates a knowledge base of emotion. What am I feeling, what are you feeling, and how can I create either a boundary or be more compassionate or communicate in a different way? That's all great, you know, and very important to have as a foundation of Emotional Sobriety, Training. Emotional Intelligence to me, is just awareness. It's waking up to the fact that I'm an individual and you're an individual, and we both have emotion, and we need to coexist. And if we coexist, very helpfully, then our workplaces can be much more successful on every realm.
1:39 Jon
Here's the thing that I think is that the difference between Emotional Intelligence, and Emotional Sobriety is that emotional intelligence lacks the acknowledgement that it can be weaponized. And a lot of people approach, emotional intelligence as a way to be better at manipulating a situation or human beings. It’s like a logical tool. It's like the old saying, I know just enough to be dangerous.
2:12 Andrea
Oh, yes, there's no master training there. Here's a little bit of this idea and take it as if you are an expert now. And the people that are manipulative by nature, or by not my nature but by trauma. They're going to use it for those reasons so that they can have an extra source of control and I love that you brought that up because it's really true and that's really exposing the difference between emotional sobriety and emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence being the awareness and emotional sobriety being all of the other A’s of my four A formula. We have Awareness, Acknowledgement, Action, and we have Application. We have to Acknowledge what we become aware of on such a different broader, deeper way. And that's what we do in this EMSO training, it's we’re opening up our gaze to the whole of who we've actually been being. What we've done, what we think about, what we're really doing, who we hurt, who's hurt us and how can we overcome that and actually overcome it to a point where we not only forgive others but we forgive ourselves, we create an actual chosen identity, not the one that trauma made, we choose who we are and we can be that firmly in integrity forever. And when we do that, how does your company look now? There is no discord in that company when they have this in their back pocket. When they fundamentally become people that don't have discord. People that don't take things personally because there's nothing personal there. There’s nothing to attack. That's emotional sobriety. It's clarity, levelheadedness and actual inner peace.
4:03 Jon
And it turns manipulation into help. You want to help everybody.
4:08 Andrea
Yeah, if you have an emotionally triggered behavior of manipulation and control and all the ETBs are really manipulation and control. But if you have an emotionally triggered behavior that is due to an emotion that triggered that behavior, and that emotion was brought on because you had a belief about yourself, from your early age trauma, you are going to cause discord in that workplace, and there's this is a thing when it's a personal filter of trauma filter that makes you believe that everything that person does is about you, and whatever they say is about you and your inadequacy and your insecurity that you're unlovable, you have to be perfect to be loved, whatever it triggers in you. When that is gone, there's just no discord.
4:47 Jon
Yeah, you're talking about some really advanced practice, and these things actually come, probably more naturally, than those who are experiencing it might expect. So, by all means, reach out, there is a community here, we've all been through things that are similar, we can all relate, doesn't mean that we’ve all been through what you've been through, but we can relate to what we've been through that similar and there are a lot of us who are here to help here to support, here to just listen while you work it out and help you with the tools that we've all going into work to continue to master.
5:35 Andrea
Right, and emotional intelligence is a non-negotiable. You must have it. Emotional sobriety is the big kahuna. That’s the one that we’re after.
5:48 Jon
So have a brilliant day and a marvelous weekend.
5:53 Andrea
Oh yeah. Have a great weekend.
5:54 Jon
Yeah. We'll see you next week,
5:56 Andrea
We'll hear you next week. Have a levelheaded day everyone.
Hi John, Levelheaded day!
0:06 Jon
Yeah, a Levelheaded Friday.
0:09 Andrea
It is a Levelheaded Friday, what an amazing, amazing week.
0:13 Jon
Yeah, it's been a terrific week. What would you like to have a Levelheaded Talk about this Friday?
0:18 Andrea
Well, there was some talk about emotional intelligence this week that I wanted to talk about. So emotional intelligence is kind of a buzzword right now it's been around a long time now, I mean, a lot of companies have paid big bucks to put emotional intelligence into their spaces, they want their employees to know what emotional intelligence is. They want their CEOs to know what emotional intelligence is, but emotional intelligence is not enough. It is not enough in my opinion, to create peace, levelheadedness and clarity in a human being. It creates a knowledge base of emotion. What am I feeling, what are you feeling, and how can I create either a boundary or be more compassionate or communicate in a different way? That's all great, you know, and very important to have as a foundation of Emotional Sobriety, Training. Emotional Intelligence to me, is just awareness. It's waking up to the fact that I'm an individual and you're an individual, and we both have emotion, and we need to coexist. And if we coexist, very helpfully, then our workplaces can be much more successful on every realm.
1:39 Jon
Here's the thing that I think is that the difference between Emotional Intelligence, and Emotional Sobriety is that emotional intelligence lacks the acknowledgement that it can be weaponized. And a lot of people approach, emotional intelligence as a way to be better at manipulating a situation or human beings. It’s like a logical tool. It's like the old saying, I know just enough to be dangerous.
2:12 Andrea
Oh, yes, there's no master training there. Here's a little bit of this idea and take it as if you are an expert now. And the people that are manipulative by nature, or by not my nature but by trauma. They're going to use it for those reasons so that they can have an extra source of control and I love that you brought that up because it's really true and that's really exposing the difference between emotional sobriety and emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence being the awareness and emotional sobriety being all of the other A’s of my four A formula. We have Awareness, Acknowledgement, Action, and we have Application. We have to Acknowledge what we become aware of on such a different broader, deeper way. And that's what we do in this EMSO training, it's we’re opening up our gaze to the whole of who we've actually been being. What we've done, what we think about, what we're really doing, who we hurt, who's hurt us and how can we overcome that and actually overcome it to a point where we not only forgive others but we forgive ourselves, we create an actual chosen identity, not the one that trauma made, we choose who we are and we can be that firmly in integrity forever. And when we do that, how does your company look now? There is no discord in that company when they have this in their back pocket. When they fundamentally become people that don't have discord. People that don't take things personally because there's nothing personal there. There’s nothing to attack. That's emotional sobriety. It's clarity, levelheadedness and actual inner peace.
4:03 Jon
And it turns manipulation into help. You want to help everybody.
4:08 Andrea
Yeah, if you have an emotionally triggered behavior of manipulation and control and all the ETBs are really manipulation and control. But if you have an emotionally triggered behavior that is due to an emotion that triggered that behavior, and that emotion was brought on because you had a belief about yourself, from your early age trauma, you are going to cause discord in that workplace, and there's this is a thing when it's a personal filter of trauma filter that makes you believe that everything that person does is about you, and whatever they say is about you and your inadequacy and your insecurity that you're unlovable, you have to be perfect to be loved, whatever it triggers in you. When that is gone, there's just no discord.
4:47 Jon
Yeah, you're talking about some really advanced practice, and these things actually come, probably more naturally, than those who are experiencing it might expect. So, by all means, reach out, there is a community here, we've all been through things that are similar, we can all relate, doesn't mean that we’ve all been through what you've been through, but we can relate to what we've been through that similar and there are a lot of us who are here to help here to support, here to just listen while you work it out and help you with the tools that we've all going into work to continue to master.
5:35 Andrea
Right, and emotional intelligence is a non-negotiable. You must have it. Emotional sobriety is the big kahuna. That’s the one that we’re after.
5:48 Jon
So have a brilliant day and a marvelous weekend.
5:53 Andrea
Oh yeah. Have a great weekend.
5:54 Jon
Yeah. We'll see you next week,
5:56 Andrea
We'll hear you next week. Have a levelheaded day everyone.
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