Dr. Vitz talks about reverence for your siblings and your parents.
Family Relationship Weaknesses
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Family Relationship Weaknesses
Season 5/Episode 69
September 15, 2022
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
0:05 Jon
And welcome to Levelheaded Talk. I want to talk about something that we talked about, really in the very beginning of this podcast, which is weaknesses in your relationships with your siblings, and I want to include parents as well. Your growing up family. And I bring this up because I just had a great weekend with my brother. We celebrated his wedding anniversary and his family that he married into, boy are they a bunch of gems and we had so much fun with him and we, you know, he's got two stepdaughters now and we love them. But all of that family aside, I'm having a great time appreciating my brother and we are having just a fantastic time understanding that, really, because we're all that we've got. We don't have any other siblings. So, we have to really appreciate each other, but it's not just that it's what we really do. appreciate each other. And that was, I think, spurred by the exposure of a weakness in our relationship. I mean, we had started to take each other for granted. And it's nice because I knew he would always be there. He knew I would always be there. And to put yourself in a place where you can take each other for granted. You know, there's something nice about that. Except when you do and then when you do you realize that? Oh, no, you know, it is possible. To lose this relationship if I'm not full of care about it.
1:52 Andrea
Let's pause on that. Okay, because I think that's going to trickle into every episode of all the episodes. Whenever you take anyone or anything for granted. That is the moment that disease begins to come through that relationship. That kind of, you're not paying attention. You're not gardening that friendship or relationship. The weeds start to grow. The parasites start to come in and fester, right, the darkness comes into that relationship. And things just get unhealthy. It happens with everyone in your relationship with your partner and your kids. The moment you think, Oh, they're fine. Catch yourself. Right because they probably are fine. But where's your care and your genuine gratitude for that? For that relationship or that thing? Even? It could be your car? Take it for granted. Take care of it. So yeah, relationship with your siblings. It's easy to let those, oh we’ll see each other on Christmas and birthdays. It's really easy. Like, I know if my sister were listening to this right now. She'd be like, you never visit me. She moved to Idaho a couple months ago. She's like, where are you? Because I'm so busy and it's not that I take her for granted. We make excuses like, oh, well, I have to work so much so she'll understand. Instead of going No, how can I make it work?
3:30 Jon
And the thing is, she will of course for a while. Yeah, even forever and will just start to forget after a while. So, you know, I like to make it a point to just call my brother. You know, I know what times of day kind of work for him. I know if I call him in the afternoon. You know, he's got his work stuff out of the way. And he's a little more relaxed in the afternoon. So that's when I call him. And if I call him in the morning, and he's in the middle of work stuff, he'll still answer the phone. So, you know, that's my way of being thoughtful at least consider
4:10 Andrea
Yeah, if my sister's call and I pick up the phone. If I'm near it. Yeah, absolutely.
4:16 Jon
So, I don't want to take for granted that he'll answer the phone by calling him anytime of the day or night. But sometimes, you know, it's fun to call him at night too, because we get different, you know, different flavors, different vibes. And you know, my brother, I've known him all his life, and he's known me most of mine. I'm a couple years old. And just to put ourselves in a position to discover these things about each other, like what happens if I call him at night, is he watching TV? You know, what's he doing? And I think to push back on your you know, what happens when you take people for granted? What if we make it like we just met this person, and we're curious about the rhythms of their life? You know, because we all go through these things and they change. So maybe a year ago, if I called them at night, it was one thing, but now if I call them at night, something else, let me find out.
5:23 Andrea
Yeah, so for you, your weakness is that you don't ever want to have to take for granted your brother and to somebody else it might be the way they talk to their siblings. They're still children or the way they behave around them. Maybe they're really abusive.
5:38 Jon
Ooh, let's touch on that. Because sometimes the sibling order dynamic makes it so that you feel a certain way about your sibling, and it always is that way. And so, let's challenge that as well. If you have a hierarchy in your family, a birth hierarchy, switch it up.
6:01 Andrea
Yeah. Let your baby brother be the boss for a moment.
6:05 Jon
Let him be the boss. Yeah, exactly.
6:07 Andrea
Yeah, we had a great podcast about that one not that long ago. So, feel free to find that as a sibling relationship. Probably a week on that. We did a birth order one. And there's so much around that. It's like if you're still talking to your siblings, like their children, first of all, if you still think of them, like their children, and they're not, have a reality check around that. And then you know, also in the flavor of thoughtfulness. You know, how often are you thinking about them and what are you thinking of? And then your mother and father and or father? Are you taking them for granted? What’s that going to look like?
6:50 Jon
Yeah, we're going to explore what it's like on the other side of that tomorrow. So, here's the thing when you think about your parents, here's what I'll challenge. How do you talk about your parents?
7:04 Andrea
Right, right. That's a great one. I hear a lot of people talk to me about their parents. I mean, as a doctor of chiropractic, I have patient after patient come and tell me about their life. And when people talk, the majority of the time, it's something that they feel burdened by or they're frustrated. And I like to say, oh, did they take care of you when you were a little?
7:26 Jon
Yeah. I imagine a lot of people think their mobility issues are hereditary too, all the time and then once you go down that road, then it's like, well, it's all parents fault, because, you know, I have my dad's back.
7:36 Andrea
It's like, you have the back that didn't train. Yeah, that's all. same with your relationships. I have a bad marriage. You have a marriage that didn't train. Two people that didn't train for marriage. So yeah, with parents. How do you talk about them? I did have this beautiful moment with a patient and friend. Last week, I think it was last week. And she was talking about her father. And she started crying. She said, I can't believe he's my dad. She was so proud and loved for her dad that she actually was brought to tears and said, I can't believe he's my dad. And I'm like, wow, that's a rarity, you know, to see that. And it was a totally organic conversation and she just got talking about him and just the natural. You know what was in her about her dad came out? What's in you about everything that will come out?
8:30 Jon
Fantastic. That's terrific. I'm a dad. Yay. All we could ever hope for is that your child at some point, looks at you and goes, That one's mine.
8:41 Andrea
Right? It’s the best feeling. Great. Love parents. Thank you, parents. For everything you did. Even if you messed up.
8:53 Jon
Thank you, my parents!
8:54 Andrea
Yeah, thank you my parents because we all are just doing our best. Awesome. I will see you all tomorrow. Hear you all tomorrow. Love you guys.
And welcome to Levelheaded Talk. I want to talk about something that we talked about, really in the very beginning of this podcast, which is weaknesses in your relationships with your siblings, and I want to include parents as well. Your growing up family. And I bring this up because I just had a great weekend with my brother. We celebrated his wedding anniversary and his family that he married into, boy are they a bunch of gems and we had so much fun with him and we, you know, he's got two stepdaughters now and we love them. But all of that family aside, I'm having a great time appreciating my brother and we are having just a fantastic time understanding that, really, because we're all that we've got. We don't have any other siblings. So, we have to really appreciate each other, but it's not just that it's what we really do. appreciate each other. And that was, I think, spurred by the exposure of a weakness in our relationship. I mean, we had started to take each other for granted. And it's nice because I knew he would always be there. He knew I would always be there. And to put yourself in a place where you can take each other for granted. You know, there's something nice about that. Except when you do and then when you do you realize that? Oh, no, you know, it is possible. To lose this relationship if I'm not full of care about it.
1:52 Andrea
Let's pause on that. Okay, because I think that's going to trickle into every episode of all the episodes. Whenever you take anyone or anything for granted. That is the moment that disease begins to come through that relationship. That kind of, you're not paying attention. You're not gardening that friendship or relationship. The weeds start to grow. The parasites start to come in and fester, right, the darkness comes into that relationship. And things just get unhealthy. It happens with everyone in your relationship with your partner and your kids. The moment you think, Oh, they're fine. Catch yourself. Right because they probably are fine. But where's your care and your genuine gratitude for that? For that relationship or that thing? Even? It could be your car? Take it for granted. Take care of it. So yeah, relationship with your siblings. It's easy to let those, oh we’ll see each other on Christmas and birthdays. It's really easy. Like, I know if my sister were listening to this right now. She'd be like, you never visit me. She moved to Idaho a couple months ago. She's like, where are you? Because I'm so busy and it's not that I take her for granted. We make excuses like, oh, well, I have to work so much so she'll understand. Instead of going No, how can I make it work?
3:30 Jon
And the thing is, she will of course for a while. Yeah, even forever and will just start to forget after a while. So, you know, I like to make it a point to just call my brother. You know, I know what times of day kind of work for him. I know if I call him in the afternoon. You know, he's got his work stuff out of the way. And he's a little more relaxed in the afternoon. So that's when I call him. And if I call him in the morning, and he's in the middle of work stuff, he'll still answer the phone. So, you know, that's my way of being thoughtful at least consider
4:10 Andrea
Yeah, if my sister's call and I pick up the phone. If I'm near it. Yeah, absolutely.
4:16 Jon
So, I don't want to take for granted that he'll answer the phone by calling him anytime of the day or night. But sometimes, you know, it's fun to call him at night too, because we get different, you know, different flavors, different vibes. And you know, my brother, I've known him all his life, and he's known me most of mine. I'm a couple years old. And just to put ourselves in a position to discover these things about each other, like what happens if I call him at night, is he watching TV? You know, what's he doing? And I think to push back on your you know, what happens when you take people for granted? What if we make it like we just met this person, and we're curious about the rhythms of their life? You know, because we all go through these things and they change. So maybe a year ago, if I called them at night, it was one thing, but now if I call them at night, something else, let me find out.
5:23 Andrea
Yeah, so for you, your weakness is that you don't ever want to have to take for granted your brother and to somebody else it might be the way they talk to their siblings. They're still children or the way they behave around them. Maybe they're really abusive.
5:38 Jon
Ooh, let's touch on that. Because sometimes the sibling order dynamic makes it so that you feel a certain way about your sibling, and it always is that way. And so, let's challenge that as well. If you have a hierarchy in your family, a birth hierarchy, switch it up.
6:01 Andrea
Yeah. Let your baby brother be the boss for a moment.
6:05 Jon
Let him be the boss. Yeah, exactly.
6:07 Andrea
Yeah, we had a great podcast about that one not that long ago. So, feel free to find that as a sibling relationship. Probably a week on that. We did a birth order one. And there's so much around that. It's like if you're still talking to your siblings, like their children, first of all, if you still think of them, like their children, and they're not, have a reality check around that. And then you know, also in the flavor of thoughtfulness. You know, how often are you thinking about them and what are you thinking of? And then your mother and father and or father? Are you taking them for granted? What’s that going to look like?
6:50 Jon
Yeah, we're going to explore what it's like on the other side of that tomorrow. So, here's the thing when you think about your parents, here's what I'll challenge. How do you talk about your parents?
7:04 Andrea
Right, right. That's a great one. I hear a lot of people talk to me about their parents. I mean, as a doctor of chiropractic, I have patient after patient come and tell me about their life. And when people talk, the majority of the time, it's something that they feel burdened by or they're frustrated. And I like to say, oh, did they take care of you when you were a little?
7:26 Jon
Yeah. I imagine a lot of people think their mobility issues are hereditary too, all the time and then once you go down that road, then it's like, well, it's all parents fault, because, you know, I have my dad's back.
7:36 Andrea
It's like, you have the back that didn't train. Yeah, that's all. same with your relationships. I have a bad marriage. You have a marriage that didn't train. Two people that didn't train for marriage. So yeah, with parents. How do you talk about them? I did have this beautiful moment with a patient and friend. Last week, I think it was last week. And she was talking about her father. And she started crying. She said, I can't believe he's my dad. She was so proud and loved for her dad that she actually was brought to tears and said, I can't believe he's my dad. And I'm like, wow, that's a rarity, you know, to see that. And it was a totally organic conversation and she just got talking about him and just the natural. You know what was in her about her dad came out? What's in you about everything that will come out?
8:30 Jon
Fantastic. That's terrific. I'm a dad. Yay. All we could ever hope for is that your child at some point, looks at you and goes, That one's mine.
8:41 Andrea
Right? It’s the best feeling. Great. Love parents. Thank you, parents. For everything you did. Even if you messed up.
8:53 Jon
Thank you, my parents!
8:54 Andrea
Yeah, thank you my parents because we all are just doing our best. Awesome. I will see you all tomorrow. Hear you all tomorrow. Love you guys.
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