Dr. Vitz talks about what we hide in a romantic relationship and how we often hide from ourselves.
Hiding in Romantic Relationships
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Hiding in Romantic Relationships
Season 5/Episode 43
August 10, 2022
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
0:05 Jon
Welcome to Levelheaded Talk. We have been talking about where you hide all week and this topic leads us naturally as most topics do to romantic relationships because there's always emotion in romantic relationships and there's always emotional behavior in romantic relationships. That means potential for emotional insobriety in those romantic relationships, including hiding. So, what do you mean by hiding in romantic relationships?
0:36 Andrea
There are so many things, but what pops out to me is, I don't want this person to know who I really am. And so, I'm going to deflect. I'm going to hide and I'm going to lie. I'm going to keep myself busy over here or I'm going to hide behind something like maybe sex. Right? In order to keep the attention off of the real me. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you never see me. And we do that and it's so subtle, it feels subtle, because we've been doing it our whole lives. But if you're with somebody who's aware, they're going to notice, and they're going to feel like well, I feel like you're a little closed off to me. I don't feel like you're always telling me the truth. I feel like there's something more there. And that might make you feel defensive, because you're hiding and you might not have the confidence or the skill to not hide.
1:44 Jon
Or to identify the fact that that's what you're doing.
1:47 Andrea
Exactly. So, when you're hiding, well, what else could you be hiding? You could be hiding how you look; you could be hiding things about yourself that you're embarrassed by that you don't want to share. It could be something from your past, but the hiding creates discord. It creates a sticky energy between two people and something just doesn't feel right, it’s just off. You know, like, some somebody might say, like, you know, when things don't add up. It doesn't mean you're being outwardly dishonest or you're manipulating it just means there's something about you, or many things about you that your mind didn’t even know you're hiding. You avoid your partner, because you aren't sure how to navigate a relationship, but you want to be in one or you feel obligated to remain in that relationship and you don't really like it anymore. So, you hide away. You keep yourself busy or you keep yourself detached. But there you still get credit for being there.
2:51 Jon
Yeah, that their points. Well, I'm always here.
2:54 Andrea
I'm home. So, we're married, right? So, I think it's important to look at all the nooks and crannies of yourself, where am I hiding? Where am I being dishonest? What can I share? How can I be more vulnerable and braver? I mean, what's the opposite of hiding? Revealing and that takes courage. However, it is the most relieving thing to do in the world, I think. Whenever we have a big reveal, we always feel good after. Even if it creates more pain in our lives, because we recognize that we've held something in, there might be momentary pain, but you're going to feel so much lighter. You're not carrying around all the things that you're hiding.
3:45 Jon
It's true, terrific. Okay, so, as I've said in every episode this week, email drandrea@levelheadeddoc.com If you have questions about this stuff, because this particular topic is one about which not everybody is educated, not everybody's as thoughtful, or insightful or experienced in dissecting so I would urge you all if you have fellow EMSO students who have been your CO, reach out to your CO or anyone in the community. However, what I would discourage is reaching out to somebody who's just your friend, and maybe your very dear friend who has all of the good meaning intentions in the world, but just doesn't have the same exposure and education to this process.
4:34 Andrea
Really the experience of knowing how to navigate and EMSO something.
4:39 Jon
Well, the good news is you do have somebody, if you feel like you don't, you got a couple of us. You have anybody in this community. So, send an email and your thoughts, of course will be confidential unless you're ready to share and you want them not to be so they can be an example for everybody else. You can always say, Hey, you can use me as an example. This is a topic worth exploring. I think a lot of people would benefit from it. And you can say, yeah, maybe the subject matter, but keep me out of it.
5:08 Andrea
Right. And I think tomorrow we're talking about from great to greater. So, if you're listening and you've done EMSO training, and you've made successful progress and have had breakthroughs and your life has changed significantly as EMSO often does for people. Let me know if you want to be on the show because we would love to have a week, spotlighting you and your story. We haven't had someone on the show in a while. I think that would be really fun. It's always fun, send an email, inquire and see if you would like that. That can be really fun.
Welcome to Levelheaded Talk. We have been talking about where you hide all week and this topic leads us naturally as most topics do to romantic relationships because there's always emotion in romantic relationships and there's always emotional behavior in romantic relationships. That means potential for emotional insobriety in those romantic relationships, including hiding. So, what do you mean by hiding in romantic relationships?
0:36 Andrea
There are so many things, but what pops out to me is, I don't want this person to know who I really am. And so, I'm going to deflect. I'm going to hide and I'm going to lie. I'm going to keep myself busy over here or I'm going to hide behind something like maybe sex. Right? In order to keep the attention off of the real me. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you never see me. And we do that and it's so subtle, it feels subtle, because we've been doing it our whole lives. But if you're with somebody who's aware, they're going to notice, and they're going to feel like well, I feel like you're a little closed off to me. I don't feel like you're always telling me the truth. I feel like there's something more there. And that might make you feel defensive, because you're hiding and you might not have the confidence or the skill to not hide.
1:44 Jon
Or to identify the fact that that's what you're doing.
1:47 Andrea
Exactly. So, when you're hiding, well, what else could you be hiding? You could be hiding how you look; you could be hiding things about yourself that you're embarrassed by that you don't want to share. It could be something from your past, but the hiding creates discord. It creates a sticky energy between two people and something just doesn't feel right, it’s just off. You know, like, some somebody might say, like, you know, when things don't add up. It doesn't mean you're being outwardly dishonest or you're manipulating it just means there's something about you, or many things about you that your mind didn’t even know you're hiding. You avoid your partner, because you aren't sure how to navigate a relationship, but you want to be in one or you feel obligated to remain in that relationship and you don't really like it anymore. So, you hide away. You keep yourself busy or you keep yourself detached. But there you still get credit for being there.
2:51 Jon
Yeah, that their points. Well, I'm always here.
2:54 Andrea
I'm home. So, we're married, right? So, I think it's important to look at all the nooks and crannies of yourself, where am I hiding? Where am I being dishonest? What can I share? How can I be more vulnerable and braver? I mean, what's the opposite of hiding? Revealing and that takes courage. However, it is the most relieving thing to do in the world, I think. Whenever we have a big reveal, we always feel good after. Even if it creates more pain in our lives, because we recognize that we've held something in, there might be momentary pain, but you're going to feel so much lighter. You're not carrying around all the things that you're hiding.
3:45 Jon
It's true, terrific. Okay, so, as I've said in every episode this week, email drandrea@levelheadeddoc.com If you have questions about this stuff, because this particular topic is one about which not everybody is educated, not everybody's as thoughtful, or insightful or experienced in dissecting so I would urge you all if you have fellow EMSO students who have been your CO, reach out to your CO or anyone in the community. However, what I would discourage is reaching out to somebody who's just your friend, and maybe your very dear friend who has all of the good meaning intentions in the world, but just doesn't have the same exposure and education to this process.
4:34 Andrea
Really the experience of knowing how to navigate and EMSO something.
4:39 Jon
Well, the good news is you do have somebody, if you feel like you don't, you got a couple of us. You have anybody in this community. So, send an email and your thoughts, of course will be confidential unless you're ready to share and you want them not to be so they can be an example for everybody else. You can always say, Hey, you can use me as an example. This is a topic worth exploring. I think a lot of people would benefit from it. And you can say, yeah, maybe the subject matter, but keep me out of it.
5:08 Andrea
Right. And I think tomorrow we're talking about from great to greater. So, if you're listening and you've done EMSO training, and you've made successful progress and have had breakthroughs and your life has changed significantly as EMSO often does for people. Let me know if you want to be on the show because we would love to have a week, spotlighting you and your story. We haven't had someone on the show in a while. I think that would be really fun. It's always fun, send an email, inquire and see if you would like that. That can be really fun.
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