Dr. Vitz brings Lauren Collopy to discuss how she started her EMSO journey in Part 1 of 5.
How Lauren Collopy Started her EMSO Journey
arrow_drop_down_circle
Divider Text
How Lauren Collopy Started her EMSO Journey
Season 2/Episode 75
August 30, 2021
[Block//Author//First Name] [Block//Author//Last Name] [Block//Date Added %M j, Y g:i a%+0d0h0m]
[Block//Comment]
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
0:04
Welcome to Monday, happy Levelheaded Talk day.
0:06
Yeah. Happy Monday. We have a special guest today. Lauren is with us.
0:15 Andrea
Welcome Lauren.
0:15 Lauren
Thank you for having me.
0:16 Andrea
How do I introduce Lauren and give it enough cred?
0:22 Jon
And give it the appropriate amount of gravitas?
0:26 Lauren
No gravitas needed.
0:28 Andrea
So, Lauren came to us when, Lauren?
0:30 Lauren
The very tail end of February or the first week of March just of this year.
0:35 Andrea
Okay, great. How was that? Can you describe that experience?
0:42 Lauren
So, when I came in, it was because a very close friend of mine had told me maybe three days previous that she had made a chiropractic appointment with me, for me with Andrea and said, Well, you have an appointment on Sunday, so we're going to go, I was like, sure. Great. Okay, no idea what I'm in for no idea what I'm walking into. Had a really nice appointment. Brought Brewster who is my dog and he has separation anxiety, so he can't be left home alone. So, if I go somewhere and Dylan's working, my husband, he has to come with me. That's pretty sweet unless Kayla's home, in which case she'll keep him but most of the time, he asks to come with me. So just the fact that I could bring Brewster with me I was like, Okay, so that's going to be fine. But I went to that appointment, and we talked for what, maybe 30 minutes afterwards. And you said, you said a couple of things that I will always remember. One was there, there is so much more in you than you know. And I was like, I don't know what she's talking about.
2:03 Jon
What is this witchcraft?
2:07 Lauren
And the other was, well, I'd really like to see you next Sunday for my back class. So, I'll just see you then. Okay. And then you had to go to your next appointment. I was like, wow. Alright. Great!
2:20 Andrea
The instant trust in me was really special.
2:22 Lauren
Well, Now two days in a row. I had been told well; I'll just see you next Sunday. So, you know, just be here. Great. Sunday's are planned. And I showed up and the beginning was hard because I didn't want to come more than once a week. Because I was struggling so much physically. I had been in chronic pain for almost six years at that point for about five years and nine months, but who's counting? And what I was really hoping to gain was just a lower level of pain, just less pain. You know, obviously it's become much more than that, which is astounding but at the beginning I struggled with it because I was having a really hard time putting my body through anything physical, I was so deconditioned I had become grossly overweight. And it was very uncomfortable. But I could also feel that I was within probably 18 to 19 days, I was already starting to feel less pain.
3:48 Jon
Wow. So, from your very first chiropractic adjustment to approximately three weeks later, you had already achieved some results that allowed you to have a quantifiable difference in your life. That's pretty cool. So, what about the discussions that you had? Starting with the first one you took, you talked for a half hour after your chiropractic appointment?
4:13 Lauren
I was pretty entrenched in the story of my back injury and how it had happened and you know what my MRIs looked like and uh, you know, technical jargon and what have you. And that, you know, I was injured and then I had been told that I was too young to have an injury as significant as I did. And that I was also too young to be a candidate for surgery. I'm like, thank God that you know, no one would cut me open.
4:51 Jon
Because that didn't need to happen.
4:52 Lauren
No, not even a little bit.
4:58 Andrea
So, at what point do you recognize that you had other things you wanted to work on?
5:03 Lauren
So, I started coming maybe twice a week. I started coming on Wednesdays.
5:09 Andrea
And you live one hour away from the gym. So, it was a huge commitment.
5:13 Lauren
Yeah. So, I live about 40 miles.
5:18 Jon
40 rough miles by the way. The between those 40 miles are the most traffic laden miles of the Bay Area.
5:26 Lauren
Yes. And I will say that I do generally. I've only caught traffic on the bay bridge going to the gym like twice in the last year, you know, many moons just because of the time that I drive across like if I'm coming in the evening.
5:45 Andrea
I want to know when I say how'd you know there was more for you. Like how you decide to dive into EMSO, however, we'll get to that. But I wanted to know what was your status at that time, that chronic status of your emotions, your physical space? What was your life like in the first interim of Diablo and Levelheadeddoc experience?
6:11 Lauren
Disgusting, that's how I felt. On an everyday 24 hour seven you know like 36 hours a day, nine days a week. But I just felt disgusted.
6:28 Andrea
Can you explain more?
6:28 Lauren
Yes. When I started, I had never been in a place of obesity as I was when I first came in. I had never had so much weight on my body. And I didn't shower a lot.
6:48 Andrea
Well, depression.
6:48 Lauren
Absolutely. Mixed with grief.
6:53 Andrea
Yes, absolutely. You did.
6:56 Lauren
Which is still ongoing. And has sometimes been difficult for me to differentiate between, you know, a biochemical addiction to sadness or grief. But I have gotten to that point now. Where I understand that I'm always going to miss my mom. There's going to be a place that doesn't quite feel right without her. And that's okay. That's 100% okay. And being able to differentiate that two sadness’s is something that I don't know that I would have achieved without EMSO.
7:40 Andrea
And I believe you can go even further and maybe even be someone who can change grief.
7:44 Lauren
Totally. And right now, you know, because of just the circumstances of a bunch of stuff around her death, it's been very difficult to actually work through a full and complete grief cycle. So, they continue to occur with more regularity than I would prefer.
8:10 Andrea
So beautiful. So, you have now an understanding of the difference between biochemical addiction to sadness and versus grief, real grief. You have, physically were in a place where you felt you were obese, you had significant pain in your body. Tell me about more things. Tell me about relationships, personality traits. Things that character things that you didn't love about yourself?
8:32 Lauren
So, what I realized even just before, or maybe after the first week of the intensive, was that all of the things that I believed to be true about myself and did not like or things that I was projecting into the world. That was the version of me that I was, you know, most flamboyant, about and most exaggerated about and it was almost as though in doing that I was trying to put what I felt was the worst of me out into the world. So, if people saw that, and still were cool, and were like, Hey, I still want to hang out with you. I was like, Okay, well, they actually might like me.
9:30 Jon
Wow, that was your qualifier.
9:38 Lauren
You know, and that was the way that I could allow myself to feel you know, “safe”.
9:47 Jon
Yeah. Okay with somebody. And the thing is terrible. But that's how you were, you know, navigating the world. And still, we all can relate to some degree.
9:59 Andrea
Give me an example of what that demonstration was.
10:03 Lauren
So, I've always been gregarious, tend to be loud. I have, you know, a relative difficulty controlling the volume of my voice. When I am uncomfortable, when I feel like I'm being judged when I am in a room full of people, I don't know. My tendency is to overreact, over emote…
10:35 Jon
That's when you turn it up.
10:36 Lauren
Totally. Instead of taking things in, I put so much out that not only am I exhausted when whatever time that is comes to a close, but I leave feeling like no one in that situation. knows the real me so it's okay. And they, you know, even if they were judging me, that's not really who I am so they don't get to judge me. They can't say anything about me.
11:10 Jon
You didn't reveal the you.
11:13 Andrea
So, is it accurate then, to say that, by virtue of being those things and behaving those ways, then you are filling the space that otherwise would be filled by something that you wouldn't be prepared for?
11:28 Lauren
Absolutely. Or something that might feel yucky and feel uncomfortable.
11:35 Andrea
What would that be? Discord?
11:37 Lauren
Yeah, Discord, dishonesty. I mean, in behaving that way, I know it is dishonest.
11:45 Andrea
I was just going to say, I knew you'd get it because you're pro.
11:48 Lauren
Well, I'm definitely becoming.
11:52 Andrea
You are becoming an EMSO Pro.
11:55 Lauren
You know, and there's still work to do. I look at EMSO as I look at training Brewster and that it is an everyday, moment to moment practice. Lifelong. A lifelong practice that training doesn't stop just because I've gotten good at something and I'm not even necessarily good at things yet, but I can see it now.
12:21 Andrea
Just know too that the same with the grief when you say the training doesn't stop. I promise you. The training stops. In terms of training a weak point. You get to a point where you've strengthened overall so much and that there's a point where you don't have to actively train like you're training now. Like, I don't consider myself in training, I consider myself just sober. You know, and I'm always checking, you never get arrogant about it.
12:55 Lauren
Therein lies the rub. Right? That it's constantly questioned.
13:01 Andrea
Yeah, constantly because you never know when the ego is going to say, Hey, I'm taking over now. Yeah. So, we have to always watch our old programming.
13:09 Jon
Yeah. And the transition that happens too, is that there are things that are weak that you strengthen, and then you can focus on, I am really good about this. Let's get really strong in that area. And so, you can stop addressing the things that cause you pain because that pain has subsided and I start training the things about which you are strong.
13:35 Lauren
Absolutely. Well, and even in part of that intoxicated identity, there are things about me that I do love. I love that I have just a general childlike wonder about the world. Small things genuinely excite me and make me happy. And I do like that. 99.7% of the time, I'm smiling and I don't even realize it.
14:12 Jon
I love that. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, when you turn up whatever disingenuous part is there. You don't have to include that in the charisma that you've developed over time in knowing how to turn up when the room asks you to.
14:28 Lauren
Absolutely and not needing to be that center of attention at all times.
14:33 Jon
Yeah, it's not a defense mechanism. Moreover, it's a service to everybody.
14:37 Lauren
It feels like I can actually focus on things not involving myself. Now which is like oh, man, that's freeing.
14:51 Andrea
There comes a point where you don't even consider if someone is judging you because it just doesn't matter anymore because you know you.
14:58 Lauren
Yeah, it’s like how I embarrass my sister. Because if we're out somewhere and I'm dancing like a fool because there's, read tune on. She's like, Oh, my God, I don't know you. And I'm like, you do. But, you know, I don't worry about the judgment of those people. It's more so people that I see over and over again, that I have to deal with.
15:29 Andrea
So that you can manage that relationship.
15:32 Lauren
Manage perceptions, to manage the way that people see me, manage the you know, what people think about me, which is ridiculous.
15:41 Andrea
Because we do that. We manage people's perception of us by giving them a different perception of us and then it's real, so we're not really doing anything other than lying. It's an interesting little game that our ego plays very, very good.
0:04
Welcome to Monday, happy Levelheaded Talk day.
0:06
Yeah. Happy Monday. We have a special guest today. Lauren is with us.
0:15 Andrea
Welcome Lauren.
0:15 Lauren
Thank you for having me.
0:16 Andrea
How do I introduce Lauren and give it enough cred?
0:22 Jon
And give it the appropriate amount of gravitas?
0:26 Lauren
No gravitas needed.
0:28 Andrea
So, Lauren came to us when, Lauren?
0:30 Lauren
The very tail end of February or the first week of March just of this year.
0:35 Andrea
Okay, great. How was that? Can you describe that experience?
0:42 Lauren
So, when I came in, it was because a very close friend of mine had told me maybe three days previous that she had made a chiropractic appointment with me, for me with Andrea and said, Well, you have an appointment on Sunday, so we're going to go, I was like, sure. Great. Okay, no idea what I'm in for no idea what I'm walking into. Had a really nice appointment. Brought Brewster who is my dog and he has separation anxiety, so he can't be left home alone. So, if I go somewhere and Dylan's working, my husband, he has to come with me. That's pretty sweet unless Kayla's home, in which case she'll keep him but most of the time, he asks to come with me. So just the fact that I could bring Brewster with me I was like, Okay, so that's going to be fine. But I went to that appointment, and we talked for what, maybe 30 minutes afterwards. And you said, you said a couple of things that I will always remember. One was there, there is so much more in you than you know. And I was like, I don't know what she's talking about.
2:03 Jon
What is this witchcraft?
2:07 Lauren
And the other was, well, I'd really like to see you next Sunday for my back class. So, I'll just see you then. Okay. And then you had to go to your next appointment. I was like, wow. Alright. Great!
2:20 Andrea
The instant trust in me was really special.
2:22 Lauren
Well, Now two days in a row. I had been told well; I'll just see you next Sunday. So, you know, just be here. Great. Sunday's are planned. And I showed up and the beginning was hard because I didn't want to come more than once a week. Because I was struggling so much physically. I had been in chronic pain for almost six years at that point for about five years and nine months, but who's counting? And what I was really hoping to gain was just a lower level of pain, just less pain. You know, obviously it's become much more than that, which is astounding but at the beginning I struggled with it because I was having a really hard time putting my body through anything physical, I was so deconditioned I had become grossly overweight. And it was very uncomfortable. But I could also feel that I was within probably 18 to 19 days, I was already starting to feel less pain.
3:48 Jon
Wow. So, from your very first chiropractic adjustment to approximately three weeks later, you had already achieved some results that allowed you to have a quantifiable difference in your life. That's pretty cool. So, what about the discussions that you had? Starting with the first one you took, you talked for a half hour after your chiropractic appointment?
4:13 Lauren
I was pretty entrenched in the story of my back injury and how it had happened and you know what my MRIs looked like and uh, you know, technical jargon and what have you. And that, you know, I was injured and then I had been told that I was too young to have an injury as significant as I did. And that I was also too young to be a candidate for surgery. I'm like, thank God that you know, no one would cut me open.
4:51 Jon
Because that didn't need to happen.
4:52 Lauren
No, not even a little bit.
4:58 Andrea
So, at what point do you recognize that you had other things you wanted to work on?
5:03 Lauren
So, I started coming maybe twice a week. I started coming on Wednesdays.
5:09 Andrea
And you live one hour away from the gym. So, it was a huge commitment.
5:13 Lauren
Yeah. So, I live about 40 miles.
5:18 Jon
40 rough miles by the way. The between those 40 miles are the most traffic laden miles of the Bay Area.
5:26 Lauren
Yes. And I will say that I do generally. I've only caught traffic on the bay bridge going to the gym like twice in the last year, you know, many moons just because of the time that I drive across like if I'm coming in the evening.
5:45 Andrea
I want to know when I say how'd you know there was more for you. Like how you decide to dive into EMSO, however, we'll get to that. But I wanted to know what was your status at that time, that chronic status of your emotions, your physical space? What was your life like in the first interim of Diablo and Levelheadeddoc experience?
6:11 Lauren
Disgusting, that's how I felt. On an everyday 24 hour seven you know like 36 hours a day, nine days a week. But I just felt disgusted.
6:28 Andrea
Can you explain more?
6:28 Lauren
Yes. When I started, I had never been in a place of obesity as I was when I first came in. I had never had so much weight on my body. And I didn't shower a lot.
6:48 Andrea
Well, depression.
6:48 Lauren
Absolutely. Mixed with grief.
6:53 Andrea
Yes, absolutely. You did.
6:56 Lauren
Which is still ongoing. And has sometimes been difficult for me to differentiate between, you know, a biochemical addiction to sadness or grief. But I have gotten to that point now. Where I understand that I'm always going to miss my mom. There's going to be a place that doesn't quite feel right without her. And that's okay. That's 100% okay. And being able to differentiate that two sadness’s is something that I don't know that I would have achieved without EMSO.
7:40 Andrea
And I believe you can go even further and maybe even be someone who can change grief.
7:44 Lauren
Totally. And right now, you know, because of just the circumstances of a bunch of stuff around her death, it's been very difficult to actually work through a full and complete grief cycle. So, they continue to occur with more regularity than I would prefer.
8:10 Andrea
So beautiful. So, you have now an understanding of the difference between biochemical addiction to sadness and versus grief, real grief. You have, physically were in a place where you felt you were obese, you had significant pain in your body. Tell me about more things. Tell me about relationships, personality traits. Things that character things that you didn't love about yourself?
8:32 Lauren
So, what I realized even just before, or maybe after the first week of the intensive, was that all of the things that I believed to be true about myself and did not like or things that I was projecting into the world. That was the version of me that I was, you know, most flamboyant, about and most exaggerated about and it was almost as though in doing that I was trying to put what I felt was the worst of me out into the world. So, if people saw that, and still were cool, and were like, Hey, I still want to hang out with you. I was like, Okay, well, they actually might like me.
9:30 Jon
Wow, that was your qualifier.
9:38 Lauren
You know, and that was the way that I could allow myself to feel you know, “safe”.
9:47 Jon
Yeah. Okay with somebody. And the thing is terrible. But that's how you were, you know, navigating the world. And still, we all can relate to some degree.
9:59 Andrea
Give me an example of what that demonstration was.
10:03 Lauren
So, I've always been gregarious, tend to be loud. I have, you know, a relative difficulty controlling the volume of my voice. When I am uncomfortable, when I feel like I'm being judged when I am in a room full of people, I don't know. My tendency is to overreact, over emote…
10:35 Jon
That's when you turn it up.
10:36 Lauren
Totally. Instead of taking things in, I put so much out that not only am I exhausted when whatever time that is comes to a close, but I leave feeling like no one in that situation. knows the real me so it's okay. And they, you know, even if they were judging me, that's not really who I am so they don't get to judge me. They can't say anything about me.
11:10 Jon
You didn't reveal the you.
11:13 Andrea
So, is it accurate then, to say that, by virtue of being those things and behaving those ways, then you are filling the space that otherwise would be filled by something that you wouldn't be prepared for?
11:28 Lauren
Absolutely. Or something that might feel yucky and feel uncomfortable.
11:35 Andrea
What would that be? Discord?
11:37 Lauren
Yeah, Discord, dishonesty. I mean, in behaving that way, I know it is dishonest.
11:45 Andrea
I was just going to say, I knew you'd get it because you're pro.
11:48 Lauren
Well, I'm definitely becoming.
11:52 Andrea
You are becoming an EMSO Pro.
11:55 Lauren
You know, and there's still work to do. I look at EMSO as I look at training Brewster and that it is an everyday, moment to moment practice. Lifelong. A lifelong practice that training doesn't stop just because I've gotten good at something and I'm not even necessarily good at things yet, but I can see it now.
12:21 Andrea
Just know too that the same with the grief when you say the training doesn't stop. I promise you. The training stops. In terms of training a weak point. You get to a point where you've strengthened overall so much and that there's a point where you don't have to actively train like you're training now. Like, I don't consider myself in training, I consider myself just sober. You know, and I'm always checking, you never get arrogant about it.
12:55 Lauren
Therein lies the rub. Right? That it's constantly questioned.
13:01 Andrea
Yeah, constantly because you never know when the ego is going to say, Hey, I'm taking over now. Yeah. So, we have to always watch our old programming.
13:09 Jon
Yeah. And the transition that happens too, is that there are things that are weak that you strengthen, and then you can focus on, I am really good about this. Let's get really strong in that area. And so, you can stop addressing the things that cause you pain because that pain has subsided and I start training the things about which you are strong.
13:35 Lauren
Absolutely. Well, and even in part of that intoxicated identity, there are things about me that I do love. I love that I have just a general childlike wonder about the world. Small things genuinely excite me and make me happy. And I do like that. 99.7% of the time, I'm smiling and I don't even realize it.
14:12 Jon
I love that. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, when you turn up whatever disingenuous part is there. You don't have to include that in the charisma that you've developed over time in knowing how to turn up when the room asks you to.
14:28 Lauren
Absolutely and not needing to be that center of attention at all times.
14:33 Jon
Yeah, it's not a defense mechanism. Moreover, it's a service to everybody.
14:37 Lauren
It feels like I can actually focus on things not involving myself. Now which is like oh, man, that's freeing.
14:51 Andrea
There comes a point where you don't even consider if someone is judging you because it just doesn't matter anymore because you know you.
14:58 Lauren
Yeah, it’s like how I embarrass my sister. Because if we're out somewhere and I'm dancing like a fool because there's, read tune on. She's like, Oh, my God, I don't know you. And I'm like, you do. But, you know, I don't worry about the judgment of those people. It's more so people that I see over and over again, that I have to deal with.
15:29 Andrea
So that you can manage that relationship.
15:32 Lauren
Manage perceptions, to manage the way that people see me, manage the you know, what people think about me, which is ridiculous.
15:41 Andrea
Because we do that. We manage people's perception of us by giving them a different perception of us and then it's real, so we're not really doing anything other than lying. It's an interesting little game that our ego plays very, very good.
Welcome to Monday, happy Levelheaded Talk day.
0:06
Yeah. Happy Monday. We have a special guest today. Lauren is with us.
0:15 Andrea
Welcome Lauren.
0:15 Lauren
Thank you for having me.
0:16 Andrea
How do I introduce Lauren and give it enough cred?
0:22 Jon
And give it the appropriate amount of gravitas?
0:26 Lauren
No gravitas needed.
0:28 Andrea
So, Lauren came to us when, Lauren?
0:30 Lauren
The very tail end of February or the first week of March just of this year.
0:35 Andrea
Okay, great. How was that? Can you describe that experience?
0:42 Lauren
So, when I came in, it was because a very close friend of mine had told me maybe three days previous that she had made a chiropractic appointment with me, for me with Andrea and said, Well, you have an appointment on Sunday, so we're going to go, I was like, sure. Great. Okay, no idea what I'm in for no idea what I'm walking into. Had a really nice appointment. Brought Brewster who is my dog and he has separation anxiety, so he can't be left home alone. So, if I go somewhere and Dylan's working, my husband, he has to come with me. That's pretty sweet unless Kayla's home, in which case she'll keep him but most of the time, he asks to come with me. So just the fact that I could bring Brewster with me I was like, Okay, so that's going to be fine. But I went to that appointment, and we talked for what, maybe 30 minutes afterwards. And you said, you said a couple of things that I will always remember. One was there, there is so much more in you than you know. And I was like, I don't know what she's talking about.
2:03 Jon
What is this witchcraft?
2:07 Lauren
And the other was, well, I'd really like to see you next Sunday for my back class. So, I'll just see you then. Okay. And then you had to go to your next appointment. I was like, wow. Alright. Great!
2:20 Andrea
The instant trust in me was really special.
2:22 Lauren
Well, Now two days in a row. I had been told well; I'll just see you next Sunday. So, you know, just be here. Great. Sunday's are planned. And I showed up and the beginning was hard because I didn't want to come more than once a week. Because I was struggling so much physically. I had been in chronic pain for almost six years at that point for about five years and nine months, but who's counting? And what I was really hoping to gain was just a lower level of pain, just less pain. You know, obviously it's become much more than that, which is astounding but at the beginning I struggled with it because I was having a really hard time putting my body through anything physical, I was so deconditioned I had become grossly overweight. And it was very uncomfortable. But I could also feel that I was within probably 18 to 19 days, I was already starting to feel less pain.
3:48 Jon
Wow. So, from your very first chiropractic adjustment to approximately three weeks later, you had already achieved some results that allowed you to have a quantifiable difference in your life. That's pretty cool. So, what about the discussions that you had? Starting with the first one you took, you talked for a half hour after your chiropractic appointment?
4:13 Lauren
I was pretty entrenched in the story of my back injury and how it had happened and you know what my MRIs looked like and uh, you know, technical jargon and what have you. And that, you know, I was injured and then I had been told that I was too young to have an injury as significant as I did. And that I was also too young to be a candidate for surgery. I'm like, thank God that you know, no one would cut me open.
4:51 Jon
Because that didn't need to happen.
4:52 Lauren
No, not even a little bit.
4:58 Andrea
So, at what point do you recognize that you had other things you wanted to work on?
5:03 Lauren
So, I started coming maybe twice a week. I started coming on Wednesdays.
5:09 Andrea
And you live one hour away from the gym. So, it was a huge commitment.
5:13 Lauren
Yeah. So, I live about 40 miles.
5:18 Jon
40 rough miles by the way. The between those 40 miles are the most traffic laden miles of the Bay Area.
5:26 Lauren
Yes. And I will say that I do generally. I've only caught traffic on the bay bridge going to the gym like twice in the last year, you know, many moons just because of the time that I drive across like if I'm coming in the evening.
5:45 Andrea
I want to know when I say how'd you know there was more for you. Like how you decide to dive into EMSO, however, we'll get to that. But I wanted to know what was your status at that time, that chronic status of your emotions, your physical space? What was your life like in the first interim of Diablo and Levelheadeddoc experience?
6:11 Lauren
Disgusting, that's how I felt. On an everyday 24 hour seven you know like 36 hours a day, nine days a week. But I just felt disgusted.
6:28 Andrea
Can you explain more?
6:28 Lauren
Yes. When I started, I had never been in a place of obesity as I was when I first came in. I had never had so much weight on my body. And I didn't shower a lot.
6:48 Andrea
Well, depression.
6:48 Lauren
Absolutely. Mixed with grief.
6:53 Andrea
Yes, absolutely. You did.
6:56 Lauren
Which is still ongoing. And has sometimes been difficult for me to differentiate between, you know, a biochemical addiction to sadness or grief. But I have gotten to that point now. Where I understand that I'm always going to miss my mom. There's going to be a place that doesn't quite feel right without her. And that's okay. That's 100% okay. And being able to differentiate that two sadness’s is something that I don't know that I would have achieved without EMSO.
7:40 Andrea
And I believe you can go even further and maybe even be someone who can change grief.
7:44 Lauren
Totally. And right now, you know, because of just the circumstances of a bunch of stuff around her death, it's been very difficult to actually work through a full and complete grief cycle. So, they continue to occur with more regularity than I would prefer.
8:10 Andrea
So beautiful. So, you have now an understanding of the difference between biochemical addiction to sadness and versus grief, real grief. You have, physically were in a place where you felt you were obese, you had significant pain in your body. Tell me about more things. Tell me about relationships, personality traits. Things that character things that you didn't love about yourself?
8:32 Lauren
So, what I realized even just before, or maybe after the first week of the intensive, was that all of the things that I believed to be true about myself and did not like or things that I was projecting into the world. That was the version of me that I was, you know, most flamboyant, about and most exaggerated about and it was almost as though in doing that I was trying to put what I felt was the worst of me out into the world. So, if people saw that, and still were cool, and were like, Hey, I still want to hang out with you. I was like, Okay, well, they actually might like me.
9:30 Jon
Wow, that was your qualifier.
9:38 Lauren
You know, and that was the way that I could allow myself to feel you know, “safe”.
9:47 Jon
Yeah. Okay with somebody. And the thing is terrible. But that's how you were, you know, navigating the world. And still, we all can relate to some degree.
9:59 Andrea
Give me an example of what that demonstration was.
10:03 Lauren
So, I've always been gregarious, tend to be loud. I have, you know, a relative difficulty controlling the volume of my voice. When I am uncomfortable, when I feel like I'm being judged when I am in a room full of people, I don't know. My tendency is to overreact, over emote…
10:35 Jon
That's when you turn it up.
10:36 Lauren
Totally. Instead of taking things in, I put so much out that not only am I exhausted when whatever time that is comes to a close, but I leave feeling like no one in that situation. knows the real me so it's okay. And they, you know, even if they were judging me, that's not really who I am so they don't get to judge me. They can't say anything about me.
11:10 Jon
You didn't reveal the you.
11:13 Andrea
So, is it accurate then, to say that, by virtue of being those things and behaving those ways, then you are filling the space that otherwise would be filled by something that you wouldn't be prepared for?
11:28 Lauren
Absolutely. Or something that might feel yucky and feel uncomfortable.
11:35 Andrea
What would that be? Discord?
11:37 Lauren
Yeah, Discord, dishonesty. I mean, in behaving that way, I know it is dishonest.
11:45 Andrea
I was just going to say, I knew you'd get it because you're pro.
11:48 Lauren
Well, I'm definitely becoming.
11:52 Andrea
You are becoming an EMSO Pro.
11:55 Lauren
You know, and there's still work to do. I look at EMSO as I look at training Brewster and that it is an everyday, moment to moment practice. Lifelong. A lifelong practice that training doesn't stop just because I've gotten good at something and I'm not even necessarily good at things yet, but I can see it now.
12:21 Andrea
Just know too that the same with the grief when you say the training doesn't stop. I promise you. The training stops. In terms of training a weak point. You get to a point where you've strengthened overall so much and that there's a point where you don't have to actively train like you're training now. Like, I don't consider myself in training, I consider myself just sober. You know, and I'm always checking, you never get arrogant about it.
12:55 Lauren
Therein lies the rub. Right? That it's constantly questioned.
13:01 Andrea
Yeah, constantly because you never know when the ego is going to say, Hey, I'm taking over now. Yeah. So, we have to always watch our old programming.
13:09 Jon
Yeah. And the transition that happens too, is that there are things that are weak that you strengthen, and then you can focus on, I am really good about this. Let's get really strong in that area. And so, you can stop addressing the things that cause you pain because that pain has subsided and I start training the things about which you are strong.
13:35 Lauren
Absolutely. Well, and even in part of that intoxicated identity, there are things about me that I do love. I love that I have just a general childlike wonder about the world. Small things genuinely excite me and make me happy. And I do like that. 99.7% of the time, I'm smiling and I don't even realize it.
14:12 Jon
I love that. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, when you turn up whatever disingenuous part is there. You don't have to include that in the charisma that you've developed over time in knowing how to turn up when the room asks you to.
14:28 Lauren
Absolutely and not needing to be that center of attention at all times.
14:33 Jon
Yeah, it's not a defense mechanism. Moreover, it's a service to everybody.
14:37 Lauren
It feels like I can actually focus on things not involving myself. Now which is like oh, man, that's freeing.
14:51 Andrea
There comes a point where you don't even consider if someone is judging you because it just doesn't matter anymore because you know you.
14:58 Lauren
Yeah, it’s like how I embarrass my sister. Because if we're out somewhere and I'm dancing like a fool because there's, read tune on. She's like, Oh, my God, I don't know you. And I'm like, you do. But, you know, I don't worry about the judgment of those people. It's more so people that I see over and over again, that I have to deal with.
15:29 Andrea
So that you can manage that relationship.
15:32 Lauren
Manage perceptions, to manage the way that people see me, manage the you know, what people think about me, which is ridiculous.
15:41 Andrea
Because we do that. We manage people's perception of us by giving them a different perception of us and then it's real, so we're not really doing anything other than lying. It's an interesting little game that our ego plays very, very good.
0:04
Welcome to Monday, happy Levelheaded Talk day.
0:06
Yeah. Happy Monday. We have a special guest today. Lauren is with us.
0:15 Andrea
Welcome Lauren.
0:15 Lauren
Thank you for having me.
0:16 Andrea
How do I introduce Lauren and give it enough cred?
0:22 Jon
And give it the appropriate amount of gravitas?
0:26 Lauren
No gravitas needed.
0:28 Andrea
So, Lauren came to us when, Lauren?
0:30 Lauren
The very tail end of February or the first week of March just of this year.
0:35 Andrea
Okay, great. How was that? Can you describe that experience?
0:42 Lauren
So, when I came in, it was because a very close friend of mine had told me maybe three days previous that she had made a chiropractic appointment with me, for me with Andrea and said, Well, you have an appointment on Sunday, so we're going to go, I was like, sure. Great. Okay, no idea what I'm in for no idea what I'm walking into. Had a really nice appointment. Brought Brewster who is my dog and he has separation anxiety, so he can't be left home alone. So, if I go somewhere and Dylan's working, my husband, he has to come with me. That's pretty sweet unless Kayla's home, in which case she'll keep him but most of the time, he asks to come with me. So just the fact that I could bring Brewster with me I was like, Okay, so that's going to be fine. But I went to that appointment, and we talked for what, maybe 30 minutes afterwards. And you said, you said a couple of things that I will always remember. One was there, there is so much more in you than you know. And I was like, I don't know what she's talking about.
2:03 Jon
What is this witchcraft?
2:07 Lauren
And the other was, well, I'd really like to see you next Sunday for my back class. So, I'll just see you then. Okay. And then you had to go to your next appointment. I was like, wow. Alright. Great!
2:20 Andrea
The instant trust in me was really special.
2:22 Lauren
Well, Now two days in a row. I had been told well; I'll just see you next Sunday. So, you know, just be here. Great. Sunday's are planned. And I showed up and the beginning was hard because I didn't want to come more than once a week. Because I was struggling so much physically. I had been in chronic pain for almost six years at that point for about five years and nine months, but who's counting? And what I was really hoping to gain was just a lower level of pain, just less pain. You know, obviously it's become much more than that, which is astounding but at the beginning I struggled with it because I was having a really hard time putting my body through anything physical, I was so deconditioned I had become grossly overweight. And it was very uncomfortable. But I could also feel that I was within probably 18 to 19 days, I was already starting to feel less pain.
3:48 Jon
Wow. So, from your very first chiropractic adjustment to approximately three weeks later, you had already achieved some results that allowed you to have a quantifiable difference in your life. That's pretty cool. So, what about the discussions that you had? Starting with the first one you took, you talked for a half hour after your chiropractic appointment?
4:13 Lauren
I was pretty entrenched in the story of my back injury and how it had happened and you know what my MRIs looked like and uh, you know, technical jargon and what have you. And that, you know, I was injured and then I had been told that I was too young to have an injury as significant as I did. And that I was also too young to be a candidate for surgery. I'm like, thank God that you know, no one would cut me open.
4:51 Jon
Because that didn't need to happen.
4:52 Lauren
No, not even a little bit.
4:58 Andrea
So, at what point do you recognize that you had other things you wanted to work on?
5:03 Lauren
So, I started coming maybe twice a week. I started coming on Wednesdays.
5:09 Andrea
And you live one hour away from the gym. So, it was a huge commitment.
5:13 Lauren
Yeah. So, I live about 40 miles.
5:18 Jon
40 rough miles by the way. The between those 40 miles are the most traffic laden miles of the Bay Area.
5:26 Lauren
Yes. And I will say that I do generally. I've only caught traffic on the bay bridge going to the gym like twice in the last year, you know, many moons just because of the time that I drive across like if I'm coming in the evening.
5:45 Andrea
I want to know when I say how'd you know there was more for you. Like how you decide to dive into EMSO, however, we'll get to that. But I wanted to know what was your status at that time, that chronic status of your emotions, your physical space? What was your life like in the first interim of Diablo and Levelheadeddoc experience?
6:11 Lauren
Disgusting, that's how I felt. On an everyday 24 hour seven you know like 36 hours a day, nine days a week. But I just felt disgusted.
6:28 Andrea
Can you explain more?
6:28 Lauren
Yes. When I started, I had never been in a place of obesity as I was when I first came in. I had never had so much weight on my body. And I didn't shower a lot.
6:48 Andrea
Well, depression.
6:48 Lauren
Absolutely. Mixed with grief.
6:53 Andrea
Yes, absolutely. You did.
6:56 Lauren
Which is still ongoing. And has sometimes been difficult for me to differentiate between, you know, a biochemical addiction to sadness or grief. But I have gotten to that point now. Where I understand that I'm always going to miss my mom. There's going to be a place that doesn't quite feel right without her. And that's okay. That's 100% okay. And being able to differentiate that two sadness’s is something that I don't know that I would have achieved without EMSO.
7:40 Andrea
And I believe you can go even further and maybe even be someone who can change grief.
7:44 Lauren
Totally. And right now, you know, because of just the circumstances of a bunch of stuff around her death, it's been very difficult to actually work through a full and complete grief cycle. So, they continue to occur with more regularity than I would prefer.
8:10 Andrea
So beautiful. So, you have now an understanding of the difference between biochemical addiction to sadness and versus grief, real grief. You have, physically were in a place where you felt you were obese, you had significant pain in your body. Tell me about more things. Tell me about relationships, personality traits. Things that character things that you didn't love about yourself?
8:32 Lauren
So, what I realized even just before, or maybe after the first week of the intensive, was that all of the things that I believed to be true about myself and did not like or things that I was projecting into the world. That was the version of me that I was, you know, most flamboyant, about and most exaggerated about and it was almost as though in doing that I was trying to put what I felt was the worst of me out into the world. So, if people saw that, and still were cool, and were like, Hey, I still want to hang out with you. I was like, Okay, well, they actually might like me.
9:30 Jon
Wow, that was your qualifier.
9:38 Lauren
You know, and that was the way that I could allow myself to feel you know, “safe”.
9:47 Jon
Yeah. Okay with somebody. And the thing is terrible. But that's how you were, you know, navigating the world. And still, we all can relate to some degree.
9:59 Andrea
Give me an example of what that demonstration was.
10:03 Lauren
So, I've always been gregarious, tend to be loud. I have, you know, a relative difficulty controlling the volume of my voice. When I am uncomfortable, when I feel like I'm being judged when I am in a room full of people, I don't know. My tendency is to overreact, over emote…
10:35 Jon
That's when you turn it up.
10:36 Lauren
Totally. Instead of taking things in, I put so much out that not only am I exhausted when whatever time that is comes to a close, but I leave feeling like no one in that situation. knows the real me so it's okay. And they, you know, even if they were judging me, that's not really who I am so they don't get to judge me. They can't say anything about me.
11:10 Jon
You didn't reveal the you.
11:13 Andrea
So, is it accurate then, to say that, by virtue of being those things and behaving those ways, then you are filling the space that otherwise would be filled by something that you wouldn't be prepared for?
11:28 Lauren
Absolutely. Or something that might feel yucky and feel uncomfortable.
11:35 Andrea
What would that be? Discord?
11:37 Lauren
Yeah, Discord, dishonesty. I mean, in behaving that way, I know it is dishonest.
11:45 Andrea
I was just going to say, I knew you'd get it because you're pro.
11:48 Lauren
Well, I'm definitely becoming.
11:52 Andrea
You are becoming an EMSO Pro.
11:55 Lauren
You know, and there's still work to do. I look at EMSO as I look at training Brewster and that it is an everyday, moment to moment practice. Lifelong. A lifelong practice that training doesn't stop just because I've gotten good at something and I'm not even necessarily good at things yet, but I can see it now.
12:21 Andrea
Just know too that the same with the grief when you say the training doesn't stop. I promise you. The training stops. In terms of training a weak point. You get to a point where you've strengthened overall so much and that there's a point where you don't have to actively train like you're training now. Like, I don't consider myself in training, I consider myself just sober. You know, and I'm always checking, you never get arrogant about it.
12:55 Lauren
Therein lies the rub. Right? That it's constantly questioned.
13:01 Andrea
Yeah, constantly because you never know when the ego is going to say, Hey, I'm taking over now. Yeah. So, we have to always watch our old programming.
13:09 Jon
Yeah. And the transition that happens too, is that there are things that are weak that you strengthen, and then you can focus on, I am really good about this. Let's get really strong in that area. And so, you can stop addressing the things that cause you pain because that pain has subsided and I start training the things about which you are strong.
13:35 Lauren
Absolutely. Well, and even in part of that intoxicated identity, there are things about me that I do love. I love that I have just a general childlike wonder about the world. Small things genuinely excite me and make me happy. And I do like that. 99.7% of the time, I'm smiling and I don't even realize it.
14:12 Jon
I love that. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, when you turn up whatever disingenuous part is there. You don't have to include that in the charisma that you've developed over time in knowing how to turn up when the room asks you to.
14:28 Lauren
Absolutely and not needing to be that center of attention at all times.
14:33 Jon
Yeah, it's not a defense mechanism. Moreover, it's a service to everybody.
14:37 Lauren
It feels like I can actually focus on things not involving myself. Now which is like oh, man, that's freeing.
14:51 Andrea
There comes a point where you don't even consider if someone is judging you because it just doesn't matter anymore because you know you.
14:58 Lauren
Yeah, it’s like how I embarrass my sister. Because if we're out somewhere and I'm dancing like a fool because there's, read tune on. She's like, Oh, my God, I don't know you. And I'm like, you do. But, you know, I don't worry about the judgment of those people. It's more so people that I see over and over again, that I have to deal with.
15:29 Andrea
So that you can manage that relationship.
15:32 Lauren
Manage perceptions, to manage the way that people see me, manage the you know, what people think about me, which is ridiculous.
15:41 Andrea
Because we do that. We manage people's perception of us by giving them a different perception of us and then it's real, so we're not really doing anything other than lying. It's an interesting little game that our ego plays very, very good.
LISTEN TO MORE EPISODES
LISTEN TO MORE EPISODES
clear
Lifted Academy™ is a high-level coaching platform designed to lift its members to their highest level of fulfillment, purpose, and freedom through the implementation of world-class curricula in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual planes of experience.
Turn your biggest weakness into your greatest strength.