Dr. Vitz talks about squabbling and its connection to childishness.
Rules of EMSO - #3 Squabbling
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Rules of EMSO - #3 Squabbling
Season 3/Episode 13
November 17, 2021
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Jon 0:04
Welcome to Wednesday. This is Levelheaded Talk. I am Jon Leon Guerrero. And with me is Dr. Andrea Vitz. We've spent this week talking about some of the Rules of EMSO. Now there are 10 in the practicum. We're on number three, and we're going to go through the first five.
Andrea 0:26
Yeah, we have time.
Jon 0:27
And we actually, we actually should probably go through all 10. So maybe we're previewing next week. But rule number three.
Andrea 0:35
Rule number three is a really, it took me a while to come up with the actual title of this rule. But Coach O'Neill helped me with this word squabbling, the Rule of Squabbling because it's not the rule of fighting. It's the rule of squabbling. (Yeah) of course, there's never really a reason to be fighting. But I want to be very clear that I understand the difference between defending yourself in a physical fight against somebody else and fighting or squabbling with a romantic partner or a friend or someone you know, in a traffic jam. If you are squabbling or as I say, if you are fighting, you are being childish. If you are not defending yourself from a physical act against you. (yeah) We don't need to fight or protect ourselves against an emotional act because we're safe. (That's right) We're emotionally safe. When we do the work of emotional sobriety or EMSO training, we get to a place where we're nearly unassailable. (That's right) It would take something really, really big for us to even be altered in our chemistry, right? It would take something that would maybe be like a real, deep, painful, sudden shift, right?
Jon 1:59
And those do exist.
Andrea 2:00
They do exist, but doesn't mean we can overcome those.
Jon 2:05
That's true. And I've mentioned that they do exist because they do, but they're not the usual occurrence.
Andrea 2:12
No and they're not something that you would consider Oh, yes, you know, this is really common, like you and your husband, if you're fighting every day or your wife or your sister. That's not healthy and that's not normal. That's just common. That is the squabble. (Yeah) It's just a habit. It's a predictable behavior, based on your emotional insobriety. So if I'm fighting, I'm being childish. So that means if I'm in the middle of a fight, or a squabble, I can stop and say, oh yeah, if I'm in this, I'm being childish. If I'm participating in this, I'm behaving with an emotionally triggered behavior, which means that an emotion had to precede it. That's right, that I didn't have control over. Which means what? if I had an emotional flood it means a belief about me is validated. From my childhood.
Jon 3:14
Yeah, and the chemicals came rushing back.
Andrea 3:17
Sure did. And it makes sense that when the chemicals that come from a belief that was made when you were a child, you would then demonstrate as a child, doesn't it? (Yes) So it doesn't mean you're wrong or bad. It's completely to be expected. (That's right) That is exactly how you would behave.
Jon 3:33
It is however, the difference between reacting and responding. (Yeah) And we point back as we so often do, to rule number one,
Andrea 3:43
The Rules of Perspective. And rule number two, just to recap the Rule of Suffering.
Jon 3:51
It's funny how these are all tied together.
Andrea 3:54
Isn't it? So great. Yeah. So, if I'm fighting, I’m being childish, that is the rule of squabbling. (levelheadeddoc.com), please have a level headed and lovely day today. And try to catch yourself in any emotionally triggered behavior, but especially childishness today.
Welcome to Wednesday. This is Levelheaded Talk. I am Jon Leon Guerrero. And with me is Dr. Andrea Vitz. We've spent this week talking about some of the Rules of EMSO. Now there are 10 in the practicum. We're on number three, and we're going to go through the first five.
Andrea 0:26
Yeah, we have time.
Jon 0:27
And we actually, we actually should probably go through all 10. So maybe we're previewing next week. But rule number three.
Andrea 0:35
Rule number three is a really, it took me a while to come up with the actual title of this rule. But Coach O'Neill helped me with this word squabbling, the Rule of Squabbling because it's not the rule of fighting. It's the rule of squabbling. (Yeah) of course, there's never really a reason to be fighting. But I want to be very clear that I understand the difference between defending yourself in a physical fight against somebody else and fighting or squabbling with a romantic partner or a friend or someone you know, in a traffic jam. If you are squabbling or as I say, if you are fighting, you are being childish. If you are not defending yourself from a physical act against you. (yeah) We don't need to fight or protect ourselves against an emotional act because we're safe. (That's right) We're emotionally safe. When we do the work of emotional sobriety or EMSO training, we get to a place where we're nearly unassailable. (That's right) It would take something really, really big for us to even be altered in our chemistry, right? It would take something that would maybe be like a real, deep, painful, sudden shift, right?
Jon 1:59
And those do exist.
Andrea 2:00
They do exist, but doesn't mean we can overcome those.
Jon 2:05
That's true. And I've mentioned that they do exist because they do, but they're not the usual occurrence.
Andrea 2:12
No and they're not something that you would consider Oh, yes, you know, this is really common, like you and your husband, if you're fighting every day or your wife or your sister. That's not healthy and that's not normal. That's just common. That is the squabble. (Yeah) It's just a habit. It's a predictable behavior, based on your emotional insobriety. So if I'm fighting, I'm being childish. So that means if I'm in the middle of a fight, or a squabble, I can stop and say, oh yeah, if I'm in this, I'm being childish. If I'm participating in this, I'm behaving with an emotionally triggered behavior, which means that an emotion had to precede it. That's right, that I didn't have control over. Which means what? if I had an emotional flood it means a belief about me is validated. From my childhood.
Jon 3:14
Yeah, and the chemicals came rushing back.
Andrea 3:17
Sure did. And it makes sense that when the chemicals that come from a belief that was made when you were a child, you would then demonstrate as a child, doesn't it? (Yes) So it doesn't mean you're wrong or bad. It's completely to be expected. (That's right) That is exactly how you would behave.
Jon 3:33
It is however, the difference between reacting and responding. (Yeah) And we point back as we so often do, to rule number one,
Andrea 3:43
The Rules of Perspective. And rule number two, just to recap the Rule of Suffering.
Jon 3:51
It's funny how these are all tied together.
Andrea 3:54
Isn't it? So great. Yeah. So, if I'm fighting, I’m being childish, that is the rule of squabbling. (levelheadeddoc.com), please have a level headed and lovely day today. And try to catch yourself in any emotionally triggered behavior, but especially childishness today.
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