Dr. Vitz talks about the freedom that comes from forgiving someone and keeping it completely to yourself.
Secret Forgiveness
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Secret Forgiveness
Season 10/Episode 10
January 16, 2025
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
This is Levelheaded Talk, a podcast with Dr. Andrea Vitz that explores the power of emotional sobriety to help you give and get the most in your personal and professional relationships. This podcast is a discussion of concepts and is not intended to offer individual personal advice. As always, we implore you to discuss any sensitive personal situations with a licensed therapist or medical professional before you take any actions.
Jon 0:46
Welcome to Levelheaded Talk. Dr. V., what is secret forgiveness?
Andrea 0:52
Secret forgiveness is when you realize that the only way to stop reproducing these harmful effects is to achieve neutrality and non judgment is secret or internal forgiveness is another way to call it right. So it might be a little easier for you. It's a peace that is solely for you, a peacefulness that is solely for you, meaning you don't need to run around telling everybody you forgave this person. You don't need to even tell the person you forgave them. It's an internal detachment from hate and judgment of well around what happened and around the person in general. So it creates genuine freedom from outside influence. Write that down. When I experience internal or secret forgiveness, a peace that is solely for me, I create a genuine freedom from outside influence. Now I have total sovereignty. This is what Coach O'Neill and I have been working on for decades. How do we create sovereignty for humans? Well, hate and judgment are just about the two biggest pairs of handcuffs I've ever seen. So secret freedom might sound complex, okay, it might even provoke resistance toward what I'm saying. You know what I'm talking about? It's an advanced practice we're talking about here, guys. But you want me to simplify emotional sobriety. You got to get on board. You got to be all in. Trust the parachute. Open it up and jump, because it's going to provoke resistance, but this is a skill that can be trained and mastered. You just have to want freedom. You don't have to want to forgive. You just have to want freedom.
Jon 2:50
Right. This is not for them. It's for you.
Andrea 2:54
Yes, so that's the hardest thing. So many people have this issue with letting people off the hook. What if they get away with it, there's all these motives for not wanting to forgive, but all that does is breed what they did and help it grow stronger in you. You've now dedicated your life to this.
And you don't know it, and you've dedicated your life.
And in fact, if you're curious, you could ask the people closest to you, what do you think I haven't forgiven? They'll be the thing you talk about every second of the day, the thing that you're still pissed off about, the scene that you rant about.
Jon 3:31
Right. And they're not nose blind. They know exactly, I bet your friends do know exactly what that thing is that you haven't forgiven. There's probably more than one of those things as well. But you know, as soon as you say it, oh, you have this grudge you have for, you know, on Brenda, once you forgive Brenda, that was water under the bridge, that was so long ago, you don't even know if she, you know, whatever it was.
Andrea 4:01
You don't have all the information.
I don't. I’m just making up the name Brenda.
We love Brenda.
4:08 Jon
I'm just saying your friends will throw right back at you with the example of, I know exactly who you haven't forgiven. You know they may even have said, Listen, we all love each other, and we love that person, and we love you. You guys need to get over this thing.
Andrea 4:26
And remember, you can never and never will have all the information, so a lot of the things that you're upset about aren't even real, right, believe it or not, yeah, right. I mean, so I just want you guys t o understand that our destructive emotions and judgments towards others carry a hidden cost. I call it emotional debt. We could do a whole freaking season on emotional debt, if you think of it as the same pathway of finances.
Emotional debt is the exact same thing. Emotional debt is the life you could have had without the hate. That's it. The life I could have had without my financial debt looks like this. I could have had this. I could have had this. I could have had finance. I could add freedom. I could have had ease. I could have had, you know, a house. I could have had a car. I could have had food, right? Financial debt is the same thing. There's a lack, there's an impoverished experience that you have when you don't have a flow of finances. The same thing is true with emotion. When you're constantly blocking love and spending hate you sustain an incredible debt, and that debt is what you could have had without the hate, without spending all of that energy and all of that time and all of your personal power on thinking about it and feeling it and judging it. And that debt will eventually lead to emotional bankruptcy, and that's what we've been talking about all week. The emotional bankruptcy that happens is when we now make the biggest mistake of our lives that looks exactly like what we've been resisting, or very close to what we were resisting. So imagine the time, the energy, the mental clarity that could have been yours if you were free from anger.
Yes, if you didn't spend all that time and energy hating.
If I hadn't spent the last two years being super sad about something or felt shame about something, even if it was a mistake I made, right? So, you know, I always say this, what controls how you feel controls you, so the very thing you hate has become the leader of you. You guys. When somebody hurts you, and you sustain that thought and feeling pattern. You just made that person the boss of you. Not even only the person, the energy of the victim, the energy of the pain, the energy of the trauma itself, has now become the leader of your life. So seriously, we specialize at Lifted Academy. We specialize in training people to become the leaders of their own lives. How do we do that? Everyone asked me that, well, what does that mean? Become the leader of my life. I already am. It's like no. Wherever you are, still hating, judging. Have no control over your body, have no control over your relationships, have no control over your finances. You're not leading your life. Something, anything that can create a shift in your emotional state in the negative owns you so overcoming your resistance to forgiveness, learning to redefine what it means, because true freedom begins when you reclaim, or claim for the first time, control over your emotions and breaking free from the cycles of judgment and negativity, they literally bind you. They are your handicap. They are your anchor. So when you achieve neutrality and non judgment, you take the reins of your life. You have stopped letting anger and sadness and shame dictate how you live, how you think, and you begin to build a life that is rooted in peace and clarity and purpose. And this isn't always easy, right? Jonny and I are sitting here going, Oh, you guys, come on. So it's simple.
It's simple, it's not easy.
It's not easy and you know what? I have a module called 10 minutes to forgiveness, and I truly believe I could take almost anyone through that process who truly desires to be free, and in 10 minutes, they would completely forgive the most, the biggest hardship of their life. I truly believe that we can do that. So I just want you to know we're not saying like, Oh, just snap your fingers, let it go. Okay, just silently forgive the person. It's not about that it's not just a decision, snap of the fingers or a declaration. It's really shifting your location, emotionally speaking, the way that you think about something, the way that you feel about something, has to be fundamentally different in order for you to reach a state of forgiveness. So it starts with you understanding that what you dwell on
is what controls you, period. And if you want freedom in your life and you don't want to make the same mistake that you're resisting and judging, then this is your call to action. Yeah, so reach out to us if you need any help andrea@liftedacademy.com, I will walk you through this step by step. I will give you an exact plan, exact formula to create freedom in your life and make you the leader of your life and no shame, because we've all been where you are and that is, there was one more thing I wanted to say, Jonny, if you want to close up, what do you to say?
Jon 10:07
No, Well, not much. I think the thing that hits home with me is that there have been times when some of these practices became easy. But as we often say, simple is not easy. They're not the same thing. So you know these solutions, you have made them simple.You haven't made all of them easy, but, I mean, that's for us to take on.
Andrea 10:42
Well, and they're as easy as you're willing to make them.
Jon 10:44
Right and often, when they're not easy, they're worth it.
Andrea 10:50
Oh, yeah, I will get what you pay for. Right? People who pay, pay attention. If you're paying for your energy, you're gonna do it. You're gonna do it. Yeah, it's gonna be worth it. Great job everybody. Thanks for listening. I look forward to seeing you, hearing you and being with you next week.
Jon 0:46
Welcome to Levelheaded Talk. Dr. V., what is secret forgiveness?
Andrea 0:52
Secret forgiveness is when you realize that the only way to stop reproducing these harmful effects is to achieve neutrality and non judgment is secret or internal forgiveness is another way to call it right. So it might be a little easier for you. It's a peace that is solely for you, a peacefulness that is solely for you, meaning you don't need to run around telling everybody you forgave this person. You don't need to even tell the person you forgave them. It's an internal detachment from hate and judgment of well around what happened and around the person in general. So it creates genuine freedom from outside influence. Write that down. When I experience internal or secret forgiveness, a peace that is solely for me, I create a genuine freedom from outside influence. Now I have total sovereignty. This is what Coach O'Neill and I have been working on for decades. How do we create sovereignty for humans? Well, hate and judgment are just about the two biggest pairs of handcuffs I've ever seen. So secret freedom might sound complex, okay, it might even provoke resistance toward what I'm saying. You know what I'm talking about? It's an advanced practice we're talking about here, guys. But you want me to simplify emotional sobriety. You got to get on board. You got to be all in. Trust the parachute. Open it up and jump, because it's going to provoke resistance, but this is a skill that can be trained and mastered. You just have to want freedom. You don't have to want to forgive. You just have to want freedom.
Jon 2:50
Right. This is not for them. It's for you.
Andrea 2:54
Yes, so that's the hardest thing. So many people have this issue with letting people off the hook. What if they get away with it, there's all these motives for not wanting to forgive, but all that does is breed what they did and help it grow stronger in you. You've now dedicated your life to this.
And you don't know it, and you've dedicated your life.
And in fact, if you're curious, you could ask the people closest to you, what do you think I haven't forgiven? They'll be the thing you talk about every second of the day, the thing that you're still pissed off about, the scene that you rant about.
Jon 3:31
Right. And they're not nose blind. They know exactly, I bet your friends do know exactly what that thing is that you haven't forgiven. There's probably more than one of those things as well. But you know, as soon as you say it, oh, you have this grudge you have for, you know, on Brenda, once you forgive Brenda, that was water under the bridge, that was so long ago, you don't even know if she, you know, whatever it was.
Andrea 4:01
You don't have all the information.
I don't. I’m just making up the name Brenda.
We love Brenda.
4:08 Jon
I'm just saying your friends will throw right back at you with the example of, I know exactly who you haven't forgiven. You know they may even have said, Listen, we all love each other, and we love that person, and we love you. You guys need to get over this thing.
Andrea 4:26
And remember, you can never and never will have all the information, so a lot of the things that you're upset about aren't even real, right, believe it or not, yeah, right. I mean, so I just want you guys t o understand that our destructive emotions and judgments towards others carry a hidden cost. I call it emotional debt. We could do a whole freaking season on emotional debt, if you think of it as the same pathway of finances.
Emotional debt is the exact same thing. Emotional debt is the life you could have had without the hate. That's it. The life I could have had without my financial debt looks like this. I could have had this. I could have had this. I could have had finance. I could add freedom. I could have had ease. I could have had, you know, a house. I could have had a car. I could have had food, right? Financial debt is the same thing. There's a lack, there's an impoverished experience that you have when you don't have a flow of finances. The same thing is true with emotion. When you're constantly blocking love and spending hate you sustain an incredible debt, and that debt is what you could have had without the hate, without spending all of that energy and all of that time and all of your personal power on thinking about it and feeling it and judging it. And that debt will eventually lead to emotional bankruptcy, and that's what we've been talking about all week. The emotional bankruptcy that happens is when we now make the biggest mistake of our lives that looks exactly like what we've been resisting, or very close to what we were resisting. So imagine the time, the energy, the mental clarity that could have been yours if you were free from anger.
Yes, if you didn't spend all that time and energy hating.
If I hadn't spent the last two years being super sad about something or felt shame about something, even if it was a mistake I made, right? So, you know, I always say this, what controls how you feel controls you, so the very thing you hate has become the leader of you. You guys. When somebody hurts you, and you sustain that thought and feeling pattern. You just made that person the boss of you. Not even only the person, the energy of the victim, the energy of the pain, the energy of the trauma itself, has now become the leader of your life. So seriously, we specialize at Lifted Academy. We specialize in training people to become the leaders of their own lives. How do we do that? Everyone asked me that, well, what does that mean? Become the leader of my life. I already am. It's like no. Wherever you are, still hating, judging. Have no control over your body, have no control over your relationships, have no control over your finances. You're not leading your life. Something, anything that can create a shift in your emotional state in the negative owns you so overcoming your resistance to forgiveness, learning to redefine what it means, because true freedom begins when you reclaim, or claim for the first time, control over your emotions and breaking free from the cycles of judgment and negativity, they literally bind you. They are your handicap. They are your anchor. So when you achieve neutrality and non judgment, you take the reins of your life. You have stopped letting anger and sadness and shame dictate how you live, how you think, and you begin to build a life that is rooted in peace and clarity and purpose. And this isn't always easy, right? Jonny and I are sitting here going, Oh, you guys, come on. So it's simple.
It's simple, it's not easy.
It's not easy and you know what? I have a module called 10 minutes to forgiveness, and I truly believe I could take almost anyone through that process who truly desires to be free, and in 10 minutes, they would completely forgive the most, the biggest hardship of their life. I truly believe that we can do that. So I just want you to know we're not saying like, Oh, just snap your fingers, let it go. Okay, just silently forgive the person. It's not about that it's not just a decision, snap of the fingers or a declaration. It's really shifting your location, emotionally speaking, the way that you think about something, the way that you feel about something, has to be fundamentally different in order for you to reach a state of forgiveness. So it starts with you understanding that what you dwell on
is what controls you, period. And if you want freedom in your life and you don't want to make the same mistake that you're resisting and judging, then this is your call to action. Yeah, so reach out to us if you need any help andrea@liftedacademy.com, I will walk you through this step by step. I will give you an exact plan, exact formula to create freedom in your life and make you the leader of your life and no shame, because we've all been where you are and that is, there was one more thing I wanted to say, Jonny, if you want to close up, what do you to say?
Jon 10:07
No, Well, not much. I think the thing that hits home with me is that there have been times when some of these practices became easy. But as we often say, simple is not easy. They're not the same thing. So you know these solutions, you have made them simple.You haven't made all of them easy, but, I mean, that's for us to take on.
Andrea 10:42
Well, and they're as easy as you're willing to make them.
Jon 10:44
Right and often, when they're not easy, they're worth it.
Andrea 10:50
Oh, yeah, I will get what you pay for. Right? People who pay, pay attention. If you're paying for your energy, you're gonna do it. You're gonna do it. Yeah, it's gonna be worth it. Great job everybody. Thanks for listening. I look forward to seeing you, hearing you and being with you next week.
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